All about ‘all-in recovery’
When I launched the Instagram account for Recovery Writes about a year ago, I started noticing a new term among other IG accounts that also covered eating disorder recovery. The term is “all-in recovery.”
One day I DMed Kenzie, a user whose posts about all-in recovery caught my attention. I asked Kenzie if she would be willing to explain this recovery concept to me and if I had her permission to write about it here on Recovery Writes. She agreed, and below I’ve summarized both her and my thoughts on this fairly recent term in the world of eating disorders.
DISCLAIMER: Neither Kenzie nor I am a medical professional. The information below is opinion and not medical advice. Before attempting any type of recovery, please visit a medical professional.
Kenzie is a few years into recovery, which began with a stint in a treatment center: "I went through a variety of programs, trying partial, working one-on-one with a specialist, and looking into intensive outpatient (IOP). But none of these programs worked for me."
While these solutions may work for some, recovery truly is up to the individual: "No one can choose recovery for you—you have to want it for yourself.”
Throughout recovery, Kenzie noticed she would cycle through weight restoration followed by a period of falling back into old habits.
"No matter what medical professionals told me, it wasn't until I decided to recover for myself that things began to turn around."
Kenzie started doing her own research to better understand her eating disorder. "I had to know the 'why' and the 'how' behind it all, and once I knew these, I went all in."
What is ‘all-in recovery’?
I asked Kenzie to explain all-in recovery because it was an unfamiliar concept to me. When I started my own recovery more than 10 years ago, the term didn't yet exist.
Kenzie said, "I would define 'all-in recovery' as eliminating all restrictions and letting go of all fears, regardless of what our eating disorders tell us."
I inferred this to mean that you turn on a sort-of recovery switch that informs your eating disorder you’re no longer going to listen to its direction.
In other words, rather than take small steps and make minor changes to your diet and exercise routine so as to ease yourself back to a healthy place, you instead quit disordered behavior cold turkey and dive in headfirst.
What are the benefits of all-in recovery?
"The benefits of all-in recovery are healing the brain, eliminating the fear of weight gain, no longer constantly thinking about food, and much more!"
Kenzie went on to explain that committing to all-in recovery helps complete neural rewiring while restoring hormone health, hunger cues, and all other vital bodily functions.
Another benefit is the fact that all-in recovery is what Kenzie calls, "a package deal. You work on everything at once and don't have time to think twice."
Is all-in recovery for me?
Kenzie doesn’t sugarcoat it—she says all-in recovery has been the hardest thing she’s ever had to do.
“When I took a slower approach to recovery, my eating disorder had time to beg and bargain with me, and I ended up relapsing every time,” she said.
“All-in recovery is hard. But recovery is supposed to be hard. It’s so much more than worth it, though.”
She adds an important caveat:
“If medical stabilization or hospitalization is necessary (e.g., individuals who are at risk of refeeding syndrome), then I feel that you must follow through with that. Eating disorders are so dangerous and should be taken very seriously.”
What advice do you have for people contemplating all-in recovery?
“You really just have to do it! The only person who can decide recovery for yourself is you,” Kenzie said.
“I also think that it’s vital to have a support team, whether that be family, a therapist, or a spouse. Eating disorders are tricky and manipulative, so having people to hold you accountable is seriously important!
“I believe that all-in is for everyone, but you have to learn to separate yourself from your eating disorder. Recovery works. Take it from me. I believe in you!”
My thoughts on all-in recovery
When I first learned about all-in recovery, I (or was it my eating disorder?) was absolutely terrified.
I think back to my early days of recovery— the thought of abandoning all restrictions and rules overnight would have been inconceivable to me and my comfortable little routine.
It reminds me of diving into a dark sea, unable to see what I’m getting into but having to trust that I am equipped to tread water for however long it takes to get to shore.
My recovery involved analyzing the nascence of my thoughts and behaviors around food and exercise, and slowly chipping away at the dangerous messages my eating disorder had carved into the walls of my brain. This took years.
Years of good days and bad days. Years of wondering if I had already done too much damage to my body, so what was the point of recovery? Years of canceling social plans so I could stay home and binge. Years of skipping happy hours so I could go on a run. Years of months of days of minutes questioning whether I could eat, should eat, even wanted to eat, from the moment I woke up until the moment I went to bed at night.
The thought of wiping the slate clean in one fell swoop is mind-boggling but also intriguing to me. I wonder how quickly I might have recovered if I had gone “all in.” Or would I have completely freaked out at the thought of such a knee-jerk change in behavior and collapsed back into the fold?
I won’t ever really know the answer. My recovery was my journey, just as Kenzie’s was hers. But I can certainly see the merit in each approach.
The common theme is clear: You have to want recovery for yourself. And whether you go piecemeal or all in, recovery is possible.
Kenzie is an aspiring writer and college student, pursuing a degree in Elementary Education. She started her blog, Thoughts by Kenz, when she was 16.
“I truly believe recovery is possible for everyone, and I want to help as many as I can on their personal journeys!”
