‘Tis the season for recovery: An update on holidays in eating disorder recovery

It’s too hard.

You’re not ready.

You’re going to fail.

Every time the winter holidays rolled around, these phrases played on repeat in my head, the seasonal increase in volume making them nearly impossible to ignore.

This time of year is one of the most difficult (if not the most difficult) for eating disorders and recovery. The focus on food, pressure from family, and disruption in daily routines can throw recovery into a tailspin, igniting insurmountable fear that can leave us wondering why we even bother.

I know this because I’ve lived this. In a world where diet noise doesn’t go away, but only gets louder, my eating disorder recovery is constantly put to the ultimate test, no matter how much I try to prepare myself.

This post isn’t about how I’ve perfected recovery tactics for this time of year. Instead, it’s:

• a demonstration in micro-progress,

• a chance to show how little changes and actions can assuage the intensity of the season, and

• an opportunity for you to reflect on your own recovery—how far you’ve come and what you hope for the future.

Ready or not, here we go!

Holiday obstacles in early recovery

Constant food noise

Family gatherings meant food that I didn’t get a say in would be served. None of my restrictive rules were taken into account (or even known), which meant danger for my eating disorder.

Internal judgment for eating ‘more than usual’

Occasional indulgence in foods I wouldn’t normally eat during the other 11 months of the year felt like a moral failure.

Rather than enjoying the sensorial nostalgia brought on by these foods, I judged myself, feverishly making plans for how to undo what had just been done.

Seasonal pressure to behave a certain way

In addition to our recovery-based fears, there’s added pressure to be cheerful, take part in traditions, and mingle with family we might not see very often. These tasks can be extra challenging if we’re simultaneously fighting off the panic and guilt around food-centric situations.

Outside noise that made everything louder

Even if we learn to tame the voices in our heads, we’re still likely to be subjected to conversations around us, whether we participate or not.

Comments about food guilt

At some point in our culture, it became normal to vocalize that we’ve been “bad” for eating a certain food or eating past what feels comfortable for us. Comments like “I’m being so bad today” reinforce the idea that pleasure is meant to be punished.

New Year’s diet plans

Talk about diets might begin as early as Thanksgiving. Why?

It gives people permission to overindulge during November and December, sending a message that, once again, enjoying food comes at a price. And that price is restriction.

‘Earning’ food and burning off calories

“I worked out this morning, so I deserve this” suggests that we have to earn food to eat and enjoy it. Underneath the nervous laughter at these innocent-intended jokes is a deep insecurity that our worth is tied to what we eat and how we look.

What’s changed: Practiced recovery during the holidays

From the other side of eating disorder recovery, the winter holidays are less about stress and pressure, and more about permission and forgiveness.

Food noise takes a backseat

With regular practice, I’ve been able to lower the volume of food noise at holiday gatherings. In doing so, I’m able to be more present in conversations and connections.

Not punishing my body for taking rest

Schedule disruptions during the holidays can be hard for people who prefer structure. Our normal food and exercise routines fall by the wayside in favor of family time, travel, and (gasp) rest.

But taking rest has allowed me to notice just how much energy my body uses and how beneficial it is to recharge. Doing nothing can be productive.

Letting diet talk fade away

While we can’t control the diet talk around us, we can choose how to receive it. These days, comments about dieting and New Year’s resolutions elicit silence from me, often followed by removing myself from the discussion.

Letting go of ‘perfect’ recovery

Once a time for stress and uncertainty, the holidays have become a non-event for me. The only difference between a gathering in December and one in any other month of the year is how I choose to decorate myself in festive clothes.

If you’re struggling this time of year…

…it doesn’t mean you’re failing at recovery. It means you’re human in a culture where guilt, shame, and self-admonishment around food are acceptable behaviors this time of year. Rather than attempting perfection, you may find more progress with baby steps, like:

• Eating one fear food

• Resting your body when you feel worn out

• Letting a thought pass without acting on it

Keen to get more granular? Here are a few exercises in reflection:

• Rather than dreading what may or may not happen, consider what it might look like if everything went well.

• Reflect on where you were last year. What work have you done that might make this year a little easier?

• Reflect on where you’d like to be next year. What recovery goals can you work toward in the new year?

And if you need extra support this season, click here to find it.

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Pause & Prompt

Write about one moment this season (big or small) that shows how your relationship with food, your body, or rest is changing.

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