When you want to quit recovery: 5 ordinary tools to help you stay motivated
There’s a part of recovery that nobody talks about.
The moments when you feel like you’re making progress, but also sense the eating disorder trying to sneak back in.
The instances when the steps you’re taking to recovery feel harder than simply giving in and being swallowed by the disorder.
The days when you reason and rationalize listening to that voice, but are fearful of derailing all the progress you’ve made.
During these times, no amount of inspirational Instagram quotes or therapy-learned adages will make a difference. It’s far more tempting just to quit recovery and fall back into practiced behaviors, actions we know will quell our discomfort, even if only temporarily.
Unfortunately, my words here won’t be enough to illustrate the difficulty of these moments—when we’re so close to giving up because it’s just easier, simpler, and more comfortable.
But this is exactly what the eating disorder is waiting for.
It’s waiting for your weakness, your fatigue, your fed-up-ness, because these low points prop open the door just wide enough for the ED to creep back in.
In this post, I won’t try to inspire you to temporarily fix what you’re feeling. Instead, I offer small, sometimes boring strategies that:
put recovery back in place,
re-motivate you to stick with what you’re doing, and
encourage you to carry on when everything feels like it’s about to fall apart.
When your mind is lying to you, borrow someone else’s
When you’re down, sick, tired, or lonely, the eating disorder sees this as prime time to make its move. In these scenarios, it can be hard to rely on yourself to think your way out of disordered thoughts. In some cases, you may need to borrow someone’s brain.
How to do this:
Make a list of people you feel safe reaching out to when you’re struggling.
Write out a script for what to say, something like “I’m having a hard time, and I just need someone to know.”
Before you act on a behavior, text one of these people. Assure them that you don’t need advice (unless you do) but that you’re just letting them know you’re in a difficult moment.
Know yourself and who you can count on
The more you get to know yourself, the more prepared you’ll be for the unexpected dips. For example:
How does skipping a meal affect your mood?
How does your sleep impact your energy level?
In what circumstances are you able to make the best decisions?
When you’re stuck and can’t quite rely on yourself, pay attention to your personal warning signs. If they’re escalating, contact your treatment team or a trusted friend (see above). You may feel tempted to wait until it gets worse, but it’s OK to lower your threshold for severity before reaching out.
Personal story: Not bad enough
When I had bad days (I mean really bad days), I waited until things got even worse before I finally caved and called someone. My fear of burdening people held me back, as did my concern that reaching out would mean my recovery was going backward. But neither was true. I learned that being honest with someone I trusted meant I didn’t have to suffer alone. And a bad day didn’t mean everything I’d done up to that point was for naught.
Anchor yourself in your body
Sometimes, our thoughts may come at us so quickly that the only way to manage them is to turn to our senses. In moments of complete spiral, here are a few grounding techniques to take you out of your head and bring you back into your body.
Run an ice cube over your wrists or across your face.
Play a song that feels opposite to the mood you’re in.
Change environments—if you’re inside, step outside. If you can’t step outside, find a sunny indoor spot to stand in.
Nuzzle under a weighted blanket or with a pet.
Sip on some hot tea.
These changes in physical sensations can help regulate your body and calm your mind.
Embrace momentary mediocrity
Recovery is far from perfect, and perfectionism is likely what got you here in the first place. Instead of striving for perfect recovery, open yourself up to the idea of messing up. You’ll have not-so-great therapy sessions, deviations from your meal plan, slip-ups in relationships, and that’s OK. Rather than pressuring yourself to recover gracefully, soften your approach. Your perfectionistic tendencies landed you here; don’t let them keep you here.
Remember your ‘why’
When recovery feels impossible, which it probably will, it can be useful to reflect on the reasons you’re recovering in the first place. The more specific, the better.
Maybe you’re recovering so you can eat your favorite foods without feeling guilty. Maybe you dream about a future “boring” day when you don’t spend every hour obsessing over food. They don’t have to be life-changing transformations. It’s often the smallest changes that teach us the value of our actions.
Personal story: Lesser struggles
When I’m worried about falling back into old patterns, I think about how far I’ve come. Yes, I still struggle at times, but my challenges today are far less intense and intimidating than they used to be. What once seemed insurmountable has become a minor inconvenience. And while a part of me can feel frustrated when thoughts somehow creep in, a bigger part of me feels proud that thoughts will no longer derail me like they once did.
When trying is enough
Some days will feel like major wins, but most days will be ordinary. Recovery happens in micro-moments, tiny decisions that go against what disordered thoughts tell us to do. Sometimes it’s enough just to get through the day.
The tools above won’t magically make your eating disorder go away, but they just might help you make it to the next moment, the next meal, or the next honest conversation. And in recovery, these are the movements that matter.
Pause & Prompt
What makes me want to quit recovery…
What keeps me going…
More posts like this:
Why comparison is so dangerous in recovery, and how to reframe the urge to compare.